On owning my decisions

Repeat after me

“Asking for advice and listening to the opinion of others doesn’t mean that I am not accountable for my decisions. I am an adult. My decisions are my own.”

It’s silly that this is a thing that even needs to be talked about. Nevertheless, my tendency is to outsource responsibility for my decisions. For whatever reason, I don’t think I need to own my choices when they were influenced by others.

Why did I give up on carbs? Cause everyone knows that they are bad.

Why did I leave my job? According to a post I read on LinkedIn, my work environment was toxic.

Why did I forgive? Actually, I didn’t. My Facebook friends told me I didn’t need to forgive because I deserve better.

Whether it be blogs, social media, editorials, friends, co-workers, books, or family, influence is everywhere. It’s easy to listen to everyone and not ever make up one’s own mind. However, if that is the type of person you are, then I don’t want to work with you. I probably don’t want to be your friend either.

To be honest, I’m trying to get rich. In order to do that I need to surround myself with winners and achievers because the data shows that I’m going to become like my five closest friends.

Blah…Blah…Blah…On and on and on…

Advice from others is not the problem. I’m a big advocate of getting and asking for input. It’s crucial though that we develop our ability to synthesize information to form a cohesive, informed opinion that we own.

It’s time to stop with the bumper sticker tripe’s and take hold of our adulthood. Now is our time, let’s own it.

Adding Value: Show up and contribute

If you are going to show up, add value.

If you put in the effort to be there, contribute.

If someone invited you, they need your input.

It’s really that simple.

If you are physically present, make every effort to be mentally present.

It’s far too often that people show up and don’t add value. You don’t want to be that person.

Another person you don’t want to be is the one who spends the whole meeting trying to impress everyone with how smart they are. Those people are incredibly frustrating.

Your team doesn’t need a lot from you, and they don’t need anything that you can’t offer. They need you present. They need you attentive. They need YOU!

Do you have a question? Are you confused? Does something not make sense? Bring it up.

Do you agree? Does the presenter need support or confirmation? Let them know.

If you are going to show up, you need to add value and contribute.

Conflict: Openness and Insecurity

It can be hard to break out of the conflict cycle. You know, the one in which your “friend” gets offended and suddenly everything triggers them. It’s like a swirling cesspool of death and destruction. Once your “friend” gets caught up in the riptide of insecurity it seems all logic and rational thought goes out the window.

We try to make accommodations and throw the occasional life preserver but it’s a hard-fought battle. Insecurity doesn’t give up easily and it’s hard for our “friends” to be open about their shortcomings.

The thing that makes this so incomprehensible is that we all have these flaws. They manifest differently but if we were honest with ourselves, we wouldn’t have to hide behind our “friends”. In that honesty we would be willing to break the cycle.

We would throw up our hands and cry, “Stop the fight!”

It’s not necessary for there to be anymore carnage. We needn’t argue and bicker. We are all flawed, in a way it’s what makes that mosaic of humanity so fragile, yet beautiful.

When I am honest, I know that my shortness with others is a gauge to my own insecurity. I need to be willing to break the cycle and work towards resolution.

The fantastic thing about us as humans is that while we have a natural tendency, we can rise above. When it comes to conflict, it’s our own choice.